Every romance story has its peaks and valleys. You fall. You pick yourself up. You fall again. Sometimes, you even get to fall in love. Lucky you! But if luck isn’t on your side and you find yourself still searching, then read on. As two weary travelers headed in the same direction, let’s take a few minutes to chat.
Question: Have you ever worked so hard, so long, to find love and come so close?
We’re all familiar with the story of finding the “almost” perfect match, and why you need to keep moving on. It’s easy to settle, once we find the right person. Truth be told, that’s the hard part. As soon as we feel that insatiable pull towards another human being, whether it be lust, infatuation or intrigue, we give in.
It’s the miles and years in between, of being single, that can eat us alive.
Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. What are you doing? Why are you still swiping? You think that it’s easy, free, convenient. Plus, you have access to thousands of people. True. But not all of them are quality people. What are you giving up for that convenience? What are you missing? Sure, you could find a diamond in the rough, a needle in the haystack. But there’s a reason why those sayings are so popular, and why so many people write them on their profiles. The odds are heavily stacked against you. Check out our blog post on dating apps.
Let’s pretend that you finally caught lightning in a bottle. Or so you think. What next? What if you were so close to finding happiness you could taste it? Great conversation, decent chemistry, location, life circumstances. Check. Check. Check. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. What else is at work when we fall in love? Magic? It’s like rain, to feel and fall in love. Too little and we dry up. Too much and we feel an overwhelming panic sink in. We’re searching for balance. There is an indescribable dance between two lovers. Just enough pull and push to make it magnetic. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?
If you find yourself guessing how you feel, it may be that you’ve found Mr./Ms. Almost Perfect. This is assuming you’ve done enough self-reflection and have enough self-awareness (or worked with a dating coach to get somewhere close) to know when you’re unconsciously sabotaging a relationship by looking for what’s broken. Delusional people will always find something wrong with another person. But that’s not you. So what do we do when we feel something is a little off? The other person seems to have everything you’re looking for, but somehow you can’t jump all in. When you feel this way you usually…
1. Can tell in your gut that something is off.
2. Feel relieved when you part ways and you’re alone again.
3. Look for reasons to like them more.
4. Think about reasons why you don’t like them.
5. Would easily go on a date with someone else.
6. Feel guilty about feeling this way.
Now what? Well, honesty is your best course of action. Quick and to the point. Right? Maybe. Maybe not. As professional matchmakers, we always recommend a second or third date, just to be sure. You need to give someone a chance. So let’s assume you’ve done that. You find yourself in that sticky spot where you’re not all in, but you’re not exactly available either. You’re on the fence. Well, that’s a quandary. Because remember, dating is hard. Perpetual singleness is always breathing down your neck. And if you’re really close to finding exactly what you want, you need to pause and catch your breath. Why are you pushing away? Is it something on the inside or are you really not clicking?
Love is one of those extraordinary gifts that we can’t special order. But we can get pretty close. We can be proactive. We can put ourselves out there and be open to receiving. But once the package has been delivered, it’s up to you whether you keep it or return it. And what if you’re screwing it up? Well, you’d be the only one who would really know that, right? Having the support of professional matchmakers and dating coaches will definitely get you really, really close.
Honesty with another person stems from honesty with yourself. Why haven’t you found the right person yet? It could be your strategy, timing, lack of self-awareness, health, finances. There are a million excuses out there to justify why you’re still single. The question is what are you going to do about it? If you’ve come close but still haven’t hit the jackpot, then you understand the frustration. But not getting what you want can sometimes be a catalyst that leads to something better, even if that “something better” is spending more time getting to know the one person you’ll always have: yourself.
Are you ready to find the partner of your dreams? Then be sure to sign up for LunchDates! Our matchmakers will stop at nothing to find a fun and exciting person who matches and compliments your unique lifestyle. Also, please feel free to reach out to us at 617-254-3000 if you’d like to learn more about LunchDates or want more advice on how to find Mr. or Ms. Perfect. We’re here to help with anything you need.
Aimee Burke has over a decade of experience as a coaching professional. She is an avid writer and researcher for the Boston dating scene. She’s also the main contributor to LunchDates’ dating advice blog.
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