You think that dating in Boston will be the same as it was before you got married and divorced, but somehow it just isn’t.
The divorce was crazy enough; kind of like stepping off of a cliff in pitch darkness, not knowing how far you’ll fall. You’ve landed. And now you’re trying to find that common ground where you can say: So THIS is what it’s like.
You’re older. You know that most of the date-night activities you used to do in Boston and the surrounding suburbs don’t count anymore. Neither do most of the places you used to go for dates. Plus, you might have some emotions left over from the whole “unhitching” process. You might still have a lot of stuff that the two of you used to own together. You might have kids.
This is what Thomas Wolfe meant when he wrote “you can’t go home again.”
But here’s the good news: All of this is normal. And the old rules are still pretty much the same. There are really only a few practical matters to keep in mind as you step back out into the dating scene in eastern Massachusetts.
Your new – or even not so new – divorced status requires a little balance. It’s perfectly all right to be divorced; there’s no sense pretending you’re not because if the date goes anywhere, your partner will find out anyway. Better to be honest up front. Being that something like 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, most people aren’t picky about your past marital status. And they’d certainly rather not hear about your past from someone else.
On the other hand, no one wants to be on the other end of a rebound. So be careful that you don’t spend too much time talking about your ex. That’s bad form, just like it was back in high school.
Here is the better news. You are wiser now. Marriages are not easy, and divorces certainly are not either; you can’t help but learn about yourself along the way. Some people might call that growing up.
The point is, if you’ve been paying attention, you are probably a better candidate for a relationship now. You have a much better grasp on what works, what doesn’t and what your ideal mate would be like.
If you’re really wise, you are avoiding too much similarity – and familiarity – in your dating choices in Boston, Rhode Island or New Jersey. You’re not choosing dates because they are just like your ex. You are consciously avoiding falling into the same patterns and, potentially, repeating the same unworkable dynamic of your past marriage.
Here’s the best news: the Boston dating scene is still rich and vibrant, and places like LunchDates will do almost all of the work for you. Call to find out how you can date a like-minded professional single, and just focus on the date!
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