Tis’ the season of thrills and scares. Where everywhere you look your unending thirst for human blood can not be satisfied with even the purest of virgins. Ghouls and goblins run the streets at night as you creep along under the full moon in your short skirt and high heels. I am of course, talking about the dating scene. So in the spirit of all things Halloween-ish, here are my Top 10 Tips on how to avoid a very horrific first date….
Let’s break it down real simple. No tricks, hopefully a few treats!
1. There’s an unusual amount of bad grammar in his profile or he capitalizes in his sentences at odd times. This is equated with a low I.Q. or him not really taking it serious. Next…
2. Pictures are all with sun glasses and/or he’s not smiling. He will have weird eyes and bad teeth. Pics should showcase both so you can check out the goods.
3. You’ve scheduled the first phone call. Yes this is a MUST!! Listen for – weird foreign accent, unusual amount of curse words, and a high pitched voice. Those are all deal breakers (at least they are for me). If there’s an awkward silence or two or he talks without taking a breath, well that’s harder to decipher. Always go with your gut on those talks.
4. He recommends you pick the place, time, and what you’ll be doing. Umm…. no. WTF? Where do these guys come from?
5. He texts you endlessly until the day of the date. Desperate a little? Let us at least think you have a life and are talking to other girls.
6. However, he goes completely dark until the day of the date. This is also bad. Did he just schedule you in because he has an open slot? Bad as well.
7. You’re driving to his town. No. There’s nothing wrong with providing a little guidance when he’s making a decision like, “Hey this street has a lot of good restaurants on it.” OR “Boston’s half way for me. I just need a place with good parking.” There’s also this thing called the internet.
8. He’s late (over 15 minutes). And he doesn’t have a GPS (I know…what??). And he calls you for directions to walk him through getting there. This happened to me about a month ago. It was like talking to my long lost, high-pitched voice cousin from out of town over the phone. It went dramatically down hill from there. Define your own window of allowable lateness.
9. His conversation is too sexual too soon. Ladies you should know this by now. He’s out for one thing. Next!!
10. You pick up the bill completely or split the check. I can’t tell you how many were so close to a second date (still just hoping there’d be a click eventually) until he did that. No way. Never. It’s worth the $30-$40 to show you he’s the man. Relationships are different. But first dates – I guess call me old fashion.
Good luck out there and watch out for poisoned apples! Happy Halloween!!
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