Ah, the bittersweet kiss of a love stifled too soon. How many times just before “forever and ever” have we dropped the ball? We certainly have an inclination for certain ruin when left to our own devices in the world of dating. Enter the dating coach. No better example could be made today than in the turmoil and disaster of our political climate. But let me be clear, this is not a diatribe against the legislative process. Rather, this is a plea for romance. For true love! Endowed as your one true romantic hero, I plead all of you reading this to put down your protest signs, stop the incessant tweeting and smell the roses! There’s a lot of great singles out there!
We are all committed to a set of values. And when dating enters our personal space, these values are necessary when creating a roadmap to getting to the right person. Working with a professional matchmaker helps you along this path. And with true expertise, tough love is often needed to get to true love. Whether you’re extreme right or extreme left, no one has the right to tell you what to think or feel. However, when it comes to love, I’ll be the first to beat you over the head with these three words: YOU MUST COMPROMISE. Compromise your values? No. Compromise your standards? No. Compromise what you’re willing to accept the right person at the right time for you? Yes. Actually, that’s it: perfectly imperfect. That’s all of us really. We’re all in this together. And we definitely get caught up on how great we are, don’t we? Our own ideals and morals aren’t the one and only way to look at the world. Small minds are not good bedfellows with sweethearts. Love demands more of you. And it should.
“No Trump supporters!” “Must love Trump!” Sound familiar? You’ve seen it on many a Tinder or Bumble profile. Dating apps not only allow for massive mate selection, but they’re also our personal soapbox for what’s right and, more commonly, for what’s wrong with the world. But is that really the most appropriate place for it? It’s dating. It’s romance. It’s falling in love. It’s not a protest or a rally. I say this out of complete love. You don’t have to give up being you to be with someone else. But you do have to see beyond yourself. Empathy. Compassion. Understanding. These traits allow you to temper your emotions when the conversation turns to politics, but they’re also the foundation of a great relationship.
So, how do you hold onto your moral fiber and find the perfect mate? You need to think in terms of proximity when you’re on the hunt for love. What you hold most near and dear, say family values, for example, needs to be on the same page as your potential love interest. Asking questions like, “So, what does family look like to you?” is a much more neutral lead-in than, “Hey, I am very liberal, and I need to know where you are on these items…” Wow. If anyone asked me that I would be on edge and kind of taken aback. Especially on a date! Slow down. Slow way down. Jeez. You don’t want to get fired! Let me be clear: conducting an interrogation on a first date never ends well. Professional matchmakers are experts when it comes to understanding what’s most important to you and matching you accordingly. If you throw a grenade by bombarding your date with your political views, you deal with the aftermath. There’s a reason why politics, religion and money aren’t discussed when you first meet someone. Your mother was right! And it’s called being polite. As a matter of fact, when did politeness go out of fashion in the age of online dating? Hmph! But I digress…
No, it’s not rocket science. But neither is staying away from polarizing topics. Yet the smartest of us do it all the time. Let me lay it out. If you’re itching for a debate on the latest controversial news, then that is perfectly alright. This is America. But I beseech you not to lay out your master plan for taking down the patriarchy on a first date. Let your dating experience breathe a little. If you actually want to end up with someone at the end of all of this, your language and your actions need to be of inclusivity. Even with someone that you may not especially like at first. Who knows? Opposites do attract, after all.
Need help finding your perfect match? Contact LunchDates today!
Aimee Burke has over a decade of experience as a coaching professional. She is an avid writer and researcher for the Boston dating scene. She’s also the main contributor to LunchDates’ dating advice blog.
Meet More Successful Boston Singles
CHAT WITH A PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKERGet Started Today